I got a notice from Facebook today stating it was our "Facebookaversary". We had been in a relationship now for 12 years. One of my longest relationships to date outside of family. A little sad. But as I scrolled through my feed, I was able to walk back through the last 10 years and to my surprise, it was a good reminder of all I've been through. My life hasn't been terrible by any means but it certainly wasn't easy street. We quickly forget our successes and dwell constantly on where we are at in our current season so time to do a little throw back, throw out and thrive!
Here's me on the left 10 years ago and me now (2018). It seems as though a ton may not have changed (besides my eyebrow game, thanks Younique) but everything on the inside you can't see between the two is pain, tears, torment, guilt, ambition, drive, and determination. As a kid you don't understand roles, social expectations and inhibitions. But as we grow we develop guards, insecurities and for lack of a better term, "issues".
THE THROWBACK
It's those songs, t-shirts, smells, sounds, and of course pictures that instantly bring your mind, heart and soul back in time to a specific place. It's like you can almost feel exactly how you were feeling!
This is my middle school years, my misery years as I remember. I look at this photo and see a fake smile. I struggled to make sense of the family changes, the adolescent changes, a terrible eating disorder and a struggle finding real friends. It's where my wall began building.
I'd later find myself alone, pregnant, trying to fund my last year of college and unemployed. BUT THAT WAS A CHAPTER! It was certainly more than a paragraph but wasn't the end. This is one of the lowest points of my life, but it was preparing me for the mountain I was going to climb and the view I'd have 10,000 feet above a few years later.
ADVICE: Never forget those moments. Those valleys and challenges are important chapters in your story. They are all teachers if you choose to see what you can learn from them. Embrace the throwback as measures of where you've come from.
THROW OUT
We hold onto grudges that are painful to maintain. We keep wounds open. We want to move forward but we are stuck. WHY?? We like things that are familiar and that includes our memories. Whether things are good or bad for us, we often just find contentment in our circumstances and thoughts like negative feelings, memories, anger, or jealousy.
Grudges have their own identity. I won't get in to the whole story but going from being a full time mom to having to share time with someone that was never invested was absolutely DEVASTATING. It cut through my soul and chopped it into pieces. This person I was, in this season was angry and it defined me. But I had to let go of that "identity" and step into a new version of myself. One I didn't know yet. I had to allow the PRESENT moment to define me, not past injustices. It changed from the "story of suffering" into a felt experienced I lived. When you move from "garbage to grateful" you'll move from "something that happened to me" to part of my narrative.
ADVICE: Bless and release! Those hurts and hangups hold you back. The event has happened. You ignore it or learn from it. It either binds you or boosts you. But your choice in THIS STEP, determines which outcome!
ITS TIME TO THRIVE
It's time to throwback to everything you've learned to be used as stepping stones. Throw out all those lies you tell yourself that get in the way of your success, happiness and future.
This is where all that pain becomes purpose. Where tragedy becomes triumph! Once you can EMBRACE the memory and THROW OUT the negative energy surrounding it your can THRIVE.
When I talk about "caring", I'm talking about investing energy in other peoples opinions that are unsustainable, unreliable and are undefined. Not only that, resting your worth and value in others thoughts and opinions is dangerous and unfulfilling. You will become the best version of yourself when you are in your truest form and are HONEST with yourself.
ADVICE: Learn from your experience and find ways to be a better version of yourself. Understand that no one, I repeat NO ONE, is perfect. In fact all the "dents" and "scrapes" create stronger layers and resiliency. Strive every day, to be the best version of yourself. You got this!!
The lie: Something else will make me happy
The lie: I'll start tomorrow
The lie: I'm not good enough
The lie: I'm better than you
The lie: Loving him is enough for me
The lie: No is the final answer
The lie: I'm bad at sex
The lie: I don't know how to be a mom
The lie: I'm not a good mom
The lie: I should be further along by now
The lie: Other people's kids are so much cleaner/better organized/more polite
The lie: I need to make myself smaller
The lie: I'm going to marry Matt Damon
The lie: I'm a terrible writer
The lie: I will never get past this
The lie: I can't tell the truth
The lie: I am defined by my weight
The lie: I need a drink
The lie: There's only one right way to be
The lie: I need a hero.