While everyone was planning their happily ever after and white picket fences, I was planning how I would conquer the corporate world. My focus was on business. Maybe I was just more confident in that than I ever felt I could be as a mom. But just as I was ramping up "my life" as I planned it, it all changed. Not just for the first time.
With a "probably won't get pregnant" combo of a Thyroid Disease and PCOS I wasn't overly concerned about contraceptive but actively took a booth control. I new it was always going to be an issue in the future but it wasn't a concern for now.
I didn't think I had the credentials to be a mom, or the life prepared yet for what I would deem acceptable for them. But it happened anyway. God had a plan!
I was pretty complacent when it came to having a conquer the world attitude but when I realized that I was the person they would forever depend on, the drive shifted. And I'm Thankful!
Being a mom taught me life was no longer about myself. It wasn't about what was on MY agenda or MY budget or MY sleep schedule, it was about someone else that depended solely on what I would do for them. But then I realize it was what I SHOWED them!
Mom or not we ALL have the ability to impact lives. There is someone that doesn't feel good enough, pretty enough, worthy enough, but all those are, its FEAR.
My kids were the best thing that could have ever happened to me. I feel like my direction was so lost without them. While the costs of transport, activities and daycare are high, making an impact on the world through generations is powerful. If it weren't for my kids, I don't think I ever would have found the power to become who I am today, to take the risks I did to thrive and succeed or keep going when I failed.
Here's my advice.
1) Embrace It.
I wasn't ready, but I got ready. You will never be "prepared" for everything that parenting changes in your life. You learn as you go. You need to give yourself GRACE! I didn't want to be a parent, because it was something I didn't think I could "win". But as it happened, I figured it out. You will too.
2) Plans change. Grow with it.
I get the dream. But life doesn't always follow that plan and you have to learn to adjust. Your situation, whatever it is, is "right now". It's hard "right now". It's tiring, "right now". I'm financially unstable, "right now". It's not forever. It doesn't have to be if you grow through the challenge. Your kids learn, and THEY watch.
3) Remember why you started.
The root of my determination to succeed was them. Sure, I always wanted to win and still do, but short term wins versus long term accomplishments would have been a lot different. They made me want to be someone THEY could be proud of, someone that taught them how to work hard, and who never gave up on them because I didn't give up on myself. They are my why.